So this past weekend my 2 favorite fellas took a trip down to Mississippi to visit some of my husbands family. I decided that sense I hate the very thought of sitting on a pig farm talking about hauling Pulp wood and hunting "coons" that I would just stay home and relax. Besides, I could use a little "ME" time.
Friday..................
Im going dancing!!!!!! I put on some pants that were too tight and a shirt that was too small and met up with my bitches at a club downtown. I missed the "Free drinks for ladies" hour but thats ok....Im feeling especially full of myself anyway ^_^. I get in, met up with my friends, catch up drink wise and hit the floor. Then KABLAM!!!! I got a monkey on my back. Errrrr...actually I got a monkey on my ass. A ass monkey if you will. The first song I just kept moving his hands back to my waistline. The second song I held his hands. The third song I slammed into him hard enough to make him double over and drop his cheap ass in house beer that smelled like rotten bread and poo water all over himself. Meh...all for the better I suppose. I like dancing with the lack of getting pregnant in front of a room full of people anyway.
Saturday.................
Ahhhhh......nothing is quite as awesome as a warm Saturday morning. Sun shining, it still feels a bit like Summer. What a great day to get drunk!!!! All my real life friends are resting up so I turn to my E-friends, E-Cash to be exact. After debating on playing a game we decide to just drink. So what its 10am in the morning, he's usually at work and Im usually knee deep in rancid baby innards and dirty laundry. We "BRB" to go get supplies for the day and eat. While out picking up my poison of choice I get the notion that I should try something new. I get the most ridiculous cigar I can afford. Maybe I'll go "Bill Clinton" on myself if I get.....ummm....lonely??
Back at home I figure it would behoove me to eat something so I grab a loaf of white bread and a jar of peanut butter, YUMMY!!!!
The game we decide on is "what plaza bears say"....if a guys ask me where I'm from Cash takes a shot, if he ask my age I take one. Well at first things were definitely going my way.........."where are you from?" ing the shit out of me, but seeming to not care about my age. I had him on the ropes!!!! Then every scrub is all of a sudden interested in how old I am. Now when it comes to drinking Im not a sprinter, more of a marathon runner. Hell, it takes me 2 hours to drink a Mike's hard lemonade. After and 3 hours of this I........................................
Its 1am??? Damn I missed the whole damn day!!! And who the hell threw up in the kitchen sink on the dishes??? Oh wait, probably me. Well, Im still feeling pretty shitty so Ill just grab a 7up and go back to bed. Ill clean this shit up in the morning...well, more in the morning.
Its 6am!!! I feel like a million bu...........Who the hell threw up in the sink on the dirty dishes??? Oh right, I did that. Why didnt I just wash them when I got the 7up? Ahh well, at least Im feeling better. Sunday is spent doing boring stuff, cleaning, washing, frebreezing all the fabric in my house so it doesnt smell like a strip club, sniffing Desmond's oneies, his crib, his towel......god I miss my baby :(
Well its Sunday night and nobody has to work tomorrow so I think Ill step out again for a night on the town. I call my "backup" friends and see what their doing. I usually dont hang with them because they always wanna go to some shitty hole-in-the wall club. They tell me to meet them at........ a shitty hole-in-the wall club. I get there and THIS PLACE IS PACKED!!!! Its gotta be 200 over fire code its sooooo many people. It takes all most 20mins just to get a drink, which is watered down -_-, and about another 20 to find my friends. Their on the dance floor so now Im doing that weird "hold your drink" dance......you know the one where your trying to not spill your drink on somebody? Then it hits me like a swift kick to the vagina......"Did I put on deodorant???". I think I did but Im not a 100% sure. I sure hope I did. I did didnt I?? All well, I dont care what these people think anyway. I start dancing and get approached by a decent looking guy that ACTUALLY ASK can he dance with me. Polite....in a club??? This is maddness. Hell yeah you can dance with me!! So we start dancing and this dude can dance!! Im highly impressed. I wonder how is he in bed? No not really *really* lolol. After a few songs Im hot and sweaty and make my way to a seat under a air duct. Im looking around, just checking out the people as they go. Good Dancing Guy comes over and I ask him if he wants a drink......he turns me down. DAMNIT!!! I KNEW I FORGOT TO WEAR DEODORANT!!! Im so stinky he doesnt even want me to get him drunk. Well this sucks. I just give him a smile and return to the dance floor with my arms down at my sides like a soldier at attention. And he follows me and we start dancing again. What the duce captain??? I know you like me cause you keep wanting to dance but you would let me buy you a drink?? Whatever. Im not trying to get him drunk, the drink is like a "thanx for asking me to dance, not assuming" kinda thing. But damnit if I dont wanna know why he turned me down. So I ask. His reply? "Well, my wife dont like going out dancing so I come alone. I hope i didnt offend you or anything. I just dont wanna give the impression Im here for anything more than dancing and company". WHAT?????WHAT????? Did I just meet a awesome guy in a shitty club??? Im gonna grind the shit outta this guy!!! I got my legs all wrapped around him and everything. Now Im having fun. I dont know if he was running game or not but it worked. We have sex with our clothes on for about 3 more hours talking about being married and kids and stuff. At the end of the night he says, "well, heres my number incase you wanna hang out again. Oh and this is my house number in giving you so dont feel weird if my wife answers, Im gonna tell her who you are." Awwwwwwwwww.AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Thats so damn sweet. At to think I thought he was gonna say I smelled or he was gay.
Monday........
Happy Labor Day everybody!!! Nothing really happened today. A weekend of drinking only gives me on thing...........Mud Butt. I couldnt stay out of the bathroom!!! My butt is sooooo sore from the constant wiping its crazy. What?? You dont wanna hear about this? Fine.
Well thats it. Hope you guys all enjoyed your weekend cause I sure enjoyed mine. Next Labor Day when they go out of town again Ill try to sleep with a girl or puke in the mouth of a stranger to have a better story.
Peace^, A-Town Down, Seacreast out!!!!
