Just a bunch of Gibberish!???

Don't read my blog, because i don't like you...

No i will not feed you

So I'm going to try to type whats on the top of my head. Its pretty much nothing but hate at the moment. I hate this... i hate that. I Just can't stop hating shit at the moment. I'm ready to go away get away from people. I do no like a lot of things that goes on around me. Call me emo. Pfft Go ahead i dare you. I will break your face, oh maybe i'll grin with a small smile and walk away. I'm soul searching and I can't find what I'm looking for. Am i just jotting down things and making it sound like gibberish? Kind of feels like it because my brain is racing at a high pace. I cannot catch the cell and grab a positive train of thought. What do i really want to blog about? I can't say because i dont want anyone to know me...

I don't hear voices but i do have random thoughts. weird dreams and daymares, yes daymares. Because they don't happen at night. Its like being traped in a small room with nothing in it. You can't eat, can't sleep, can't piss besides in your panties. You can't really roll and stretch to be comfortable because the walls are to close together. God im sick of this emo shit as much az u are as sick of fucking reading it! (lol i just made myself laugh)

Anyhow video games are a temp fix. There is more to life than playing them. I mean actually getting the opportunity to sit and help make them is a golden day in my life. I would love to get a chance with out the stress more of the relaxation of putting something together and making it the best. Life is what you make it and im having a hard time coping with what i want to do. I have to stop trying to go around obstacles and just get with it. 1 day i will. I blogged at the moment to make myself feel better. It kinda worked. Now i need to relax, calm down and figure out something to do for the day... Disappointment is so not my friend.... lol

Yet i still feel like this blogg is a bunch of gibberish... hmmmmm

Behind every avatar there is a person...

Feelings...

i don't even know how to address this. some know me, some don't. I was called emo at one point. I was called dramafied... whatever. Fact is the SosE projects website is 100% cleaned from all drama. I do pure gaming. in Fact i dont even think anyone has even LOOKed at it. never sat down and took the time. thats why i float around and find new people to hang out with. My old friends seem to want to continue to judge. So i had a issue today with a long time friend cause i signed on home. You know what... i think home is a plague if you sit down and have a conversation with people. I mean its cool when ur bored and emo. Listen to other peoples problems and issues and then you feel like. Well shit maybe my life aint so bad. It could be worse. But then you got those who can't decide whats really going on because they are too busy being themselves. Its way easy to not give up who you are over the internet. When you do, people tend to gossip, Like me i let people think what they want... ima guy ima girl... ice still plays on the account blah blah blah. Whatever my story is i just let people think it. I don't care anymore. For the simple fact that people online lie anyway. people who don't lie need to understand that liars are 90% on the internet. I was told keep sose anonymous. People don't understand that drama is anything that has an opinion. Say for instance 2 people have 2 different opinions about something and situations keep fliping itself. Like uhhhhh and xbox fan goes to playstation home and explains why he likes xbox. Bunch of kids jump in his face and go. "FUCK xbox" cause him to swear back. Then they call mods cause he's swearin but they were swearin at him n the 1st place and the xbox fan gets banned... thats drama....

I mean i avoid stuff like that at all cost. doesn't matter thee situation i don't get involved.

Behind every avatar there is a person...

.

.

.

.

.

.

Who hides their true identity!

Sexxxxxx

out!!

Live

Noticed when you do things live. things start to happen. Yea i've been streaming my gameplay live every so often... on my site @ http://www.thesoseproject.com/sosesstream.htm

Playing Fable 3, DC universe, Red dead Redemption, LittleBigPlanet 2, smackdown vs raw (sometimes) and Maybe left 4 dead 2

Speaking of which i should be updating soon. But you know what i mean by live when u go look at my video archive on my ustream account... (lol) http://www.ustream.tv/user/TheSoSeProject

just see for yourself. Anyway. I thought i'd make a short update i guess for those who do read this. I would hope u come check me out daily im usually always streaming what im doing on ps3 :D

----------------

in other news. I'm pretty sick. Im trying to hang n there daily ya know mentally. Life has had its ways wit me and all i can see myself doing is gaming. I want a career out of gaming. Not necessarily a tester... journalist or nothing like that. Maybe a pre animator... idk... then again writing could be fun but i give bad opinions on everything before i finish playing it. its all good... I'll give myself some time to figure it out. Check out my show... we gonna make it good with DC universe.

I'm having a bad life

Sometimes you sit back and think to yourself are you happy or not? Are you satisfied? You wonder if everything is enough. You worry about tomorrow. You cannot come up with an answer for your own self. It seems hard, ye the worse feeling in the world because you cannot even come up with the conclusion of what you want to do in the next 5 mins. Well this is how i feel every 2 breaths that i take. I'm lost. What can i do to make myself smile? I dont even know if that exist... i push people away from me because i dont want others to suffer with my negativity. I'm creative... Yes this i know, people like some of the stuff i do, but sometimes i dont feel like i've done enough. I Drew large crowds before, but it doesnt seem enough and to top if all of... I cannot be the center of attention I hate it. I hate when a bunch of people try to talk to me at once about what they like that i did. I get rude and nasty... but when im in the shadows where i am most comfortable... i seem to enjoy people being inquisitive about me. I say "blog sose it makes you feel good" then i think well people read it and they mite gain a sense of my weaknesses. You know me Im hardcore. I don't let things appear to be bad or let anyone bother me. I do know that if someone tries something with me i will get them 10x harder. It's been proven.

Every seconds is a step closer to death. I mean for everyone this is true but for me its losing the will to live due to the belittling i get from family. I hate it when you're doing something others cannot understand and relate to and want to call you worthless or lame. I mean no motivation what so ever. Just simple put downs because you cannot accommodate to their shitty lifestyle of daily struggle. dont get me wrong im not being emo here and saying i want to die. I'm fighting it off. God has his ways of putting you threw the storm before you can get to the rainbow.I rather not sit around and hustle for right now. I rather hustle for years to come. teach myself as much as i can so when life is out there for me i can handle it. I sponge myself with knowledge daily because i refuse to be ignorant like certain individuals. I've learned n this life you must be likeable in order to succeed no matter what your job is you must be able to communicate with people in a business order. You must smile at all times. You must make sure people around you have nothing to worry about other than getting things done. Everything can be considered drama and getting in the way of business. I don't hate life... I just dont like my position in it and im hoping to get away from a level of ignorance. I've delt with a lot here... shit's changing and I'm fed up with bullshit. Now im starting to understand why music helps people. It takes you out of the zone of thinking about stupid and nonsense. I feel better when im working getting shit done and feel like somebody! music HELPS! lol... as CJ said to me 1 day... he left a woman because she was no motivation to him. Brought him down on his music... now look at CJ without her. He came to los angeles and made a hot track, met mad celebrities... and soon to be moving here to finish his career. He got to meet faith... I mean i would never bring a guy down ever. at this young age i've learned about my selfish ways and i rather push a man to do what he's supposed to do...

With all that said Rated U has helped me stay alive. It motivates me to succeed. I breath nothing else but success and i would like to take the time to pray for myself so i will never get unfocused so i would never think I'm worthless as some people try to portray me to be. I'm not saying someone said that too me (well yea i am lol) but im just saying I'm ready to prove mf's wrong and then when they need me I'm not going to help them. I used to wonder why celebs dont talk to their families or even help them.... well its simple... they are grade A Fuck ups! if you live in a home and people are cursing, theirs no structure and people dont do what they are supposed to do. Everyone does their own thing that makes them happy... and gets upset with others if they invade their space... trust me its going to stay that way forever. Its a never ending cycle amongst families in america... those chorus are fuckin important. Those family dinners u dont attend... important. Those eating at the table...night for dinner and talking to your parents about shit... important. Don't get me wrong theres 1 or 2 kids who make it out of the hood or the trailer park or the slums whatever u prefer... and they are called "new money" when they make it because they dont know much. They also struggle to stay in their position. Some new money cut off their families altogether (cough 50 cent) and become ultra millionaires because they have noone to worry about to bring them down.

When ur raised amounts structure(look at the asians perfect example) you're most likely to succeed if you follow directions correctly(unless ur a fuck up). If you're unfortunate then thats just something you're going to have to figure out like i do. I feel sorry for myself but. I'll get threw it... cuz im unblockable...

its a Shame

How niggaz think they test me i'm going to blogg they're asses. They get the complete fuckin opposite. The Delete button and the ignore. Nigga check this shit out. My name is SoSe i work with family. The Lions Den on second life. Rated Unblockable in Real life who are throwing showcases. I work with my brother who helps me mold my character into what she is. Me and SoSe are 2 diff people. I'm not and i dont stand for what the old sose usta stand for. With that all said I do not have time to sit on the computer blog, log and complain about people who do absolutely nothing with their own lives. I would be contributing to their bullshit and have myself drawn in like i need attention...

Uh Huh u know what it is...

Deleted NIGGA!

oh theres more...

You can sit there and get on my nerves to piss me off for me to blog you. Its not going to work. I've encountered too many people trying to do so im used to it. I only blogg people who show some interest. Worth lol'n bout. Ya know??? People who are actually COOL thats the only way i'll blog u. If its nice and funny...

Uh huh! u know what it is....

Uh huh you kno what it is...

deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga deleted nigga