***My computer crashed so Im writing this blog over again after putting in 3 hours of work, I am NOT amused**
October was a very eventful Month. I had some fun, has some sad, and had a period(YAY). Now you get to read all about it. I must warn you tho, dear reader. This will be long. After all, October did have 31 days. So now I'll give you the chance to stop reading.
Still here?? Let's do this then sweetie ^_^
Boy am I a bitch..........
You ever knew you were wrong about something and you continued to do it anyway?? Like that time you threw up in the sink and di..........wait, that was me. Ok......like the time you got that skinny guy to pay you way into the club, then you got him to buy you drinks, then after his money got you drunk you told him you were married and out of his league and you watch is soul die and you didn't care because you were drunk but you did all this anyw.....wait, that was me too. Damnit I am a bitch. Any way, me and my big baby were remodeling our basement. He was painting and I was doing what I do, supervising. Out of know where I get the idea "Hey!!! Why don't I bitch about his painting knowing damn well I don't even think he's doing it wrong but I want to yell at him for no reason because I'm a retard?". Sound's like a plan Deja. After pissing him off enough to leave the house for 2 days I decide to show the world why my Queen Bitches Of America's Card is colored platinum by taking it out on all my friends on home!! Hazah to me. I don't know what I've proved other than the fact that I have problems I recognize but am to arrogant to do anything about and if your sitting at home judging me you can go fuck yourself with a rusty Mr.Marcus brand dildo covered in broken bits of discarded Britney Spears "In The Zone" cd's.
4Friends+Miami=Whatthefucknessness
****I was gonna publish this blog when I got back home but couldn't remember in which folder I saved the word file so I waited until the end of the month to publish with the rest****
Miami Bitches!!! How I love this yearly getaway from real life. Even more so this year because it's sans husbands and boyfriends. No.....I didn't give a stranger a handjob, silly bears. I did get a local guy and his friends to think I was tho. But I'll get back to that later. Shortly after touching down we rush to the hotel so we can change in to our swimsuits and grab some tickets to the Banana Hammock Extravaganza. It was lack-luster to say the least. I guess I lost the enthusiasm for looking at fine ass guys on teh beach I once had. Part of getting old I guess. But my slut bucket friend does manage to meet a semi-decent looking guy with a gaggle of not-as-good-looking-as-him-friends, which is probably why he hangs with them. They smell like beer baking in the florida sun but for some reason the only thing I can smell is the free lobster dinner I'm getting one of them to buy me later that night. They seem to be friendly enough to server as our escorts this weekend. Not overly horny and not touching me, just the way I like my run-to guys to be. I ask the one that seems to be the alpha male to come with me and play in the water. I know that if I hang with him the others will follow. After about 1 hour of that my slut bucket friend is tongue deep in some guys eat hole. I knew it was coming but wasn't expecting it til at least the next day....chicka moves fast. Some times goes by, we had fun. We decide to shower and get changed for some night life and good eats. Dancing drinking dancing drinking eating drinking dancing dancing. As we prepare to turn in for the night we notice something......where's slut bucket??? How did we lose her?? Meh....she's a big girl. I'm sure she'll be fine.
We get up the next morning and low and behold.....slut bucket's in her room. Only problem is she has thrown up in............everywhere!!!! I'll just leave her a note telling her were we'll be. We hang out with the homeboys for the better part of the day, just having fun, acting free of worry. Slut Bucket's vacabuddy ask about her, then goes to "check" on her. We find it funny. She's goes on vacation to have sex with strangers when she could have done the same thing at home. I would have at least had a 3some or something. Who goes on vacation to do shit they can do at home???
Well its time to leave :(. Suck but we gotta go. Me and slut bucket's sidekick decide to get some lunch before we leave. Alpha male decides he would like to join us. Awww what the hellz, I'll pay this time. It's the least I could do. Our final conversation is as follows:
AM: So did you enjoy your self?
Me: Very much so!!! Thanks for hanging with me and my friends.
AM: It was our pleasure. You girls are fun to be around.
Me: Yeah, we had fun too. Some more than others lol
AM:(Laughing) Yeah, I think she had the most fun. I was kinda jealous actually.
Me: Jealous of what? You wanted to have sex with your friend all weekend long?
AM: Ummm no......with a special girl I met this weekend.
Me:Awwwww......why didn't you say something sweetie?? I could have found somebody else to hang with.
AM: Now why you gone do me like that??? I could have been with a busta(I have no idea what a busta is, but I assume its a female human of low sexual standard, much like my friend slut bucket)
Me: Sorry, would you like a handjob?
AM:HELL NAW!!! I want that good good!!!(I don't know what good good is either, I'm guessing it's human female vagina)
Me: Sorry, I was joking. I'm not giving you a handjob.
AM: I'm not talking bout no handjob!!! I'm Talking bout that pussy!!!!!(Yeah...good good is what I thought it was)
.............Why is he talking so ghetto all of a sudden?
Me:Oh...... I'm not giving you that either.
AM: So you can spend my money but you can't let me hit huh? You think you to good for me or something?
Me:Yup
AM: What???You think you betta than this??
Me:Yup
AM: Girl I got that arab money!! Let me keep you another week. I need you on my team. Your family can spare another few days.
Me: I'm sure they could but I miss them and don't really like you that much any more. You seemed like a cool guy and all but my good good is on reserve.
AM: Mane....that nigga probbaly fucking mad hoes while you down here.
Me: Probably.
AM: So you should get back at him ma.
Me: You know....that's not a bad idea.
AM:See ma??? You just gotta get a nigga that on your level.
Me: Yeah....I think I'll fine a guy on the plane to do it with. I can't do it with you because your not attractive.
AM: Why you gotta be so blunt and play with a nigga feeling?
Me: Cause it's funny. Only thing I asked you to do is play in the water at the beach.
...........He receives a imaginary phone call from some girl offering him sex and feels he needs to tell me about it.
AM:See? I got hoe's all over this dick. You missing out shawty.
Me: I'll live. Sounds like you should wear a condom.
AM:Pfft, what ever. Go home to that lame ass life you lead trick.
Me: Will do kiddo.
Me:Oh.....and nice meeting you ^_^
Man I hate kids........
Not my dookie monster of course. I love him to death. But I hate other kids badly. I have no patients what so ever. A friend of mine had a birthday party for her daughter and invited us. I'm not sure why you would invite a 3 1/2 month old baby to a birthday party but whatever. I guess it's something I should get use to. GOD WHAT DID I COMMIT TO????It was pure and utter horror. 40 something kids running around in a fucking skating rink is madness. The only joy I got was watching them bust their little asses and come screaming back to the table as if they just saw Santa in the bathroom taking it gloryhole-style. Shit was pretty funny. But my husband is running around like a little kid too!!! Playing games, getting quarters......he's so gay but I love him. Oh.......and I'm not going to another child's party til my baby is old enough to be dropped off.
Peace^,A-Town Down, Seacrest Out!!!!!
